The New Superman

 Carey On News...

In case you missed it -

DC Comics announced the new Superman will be bisexual.

Other changes are Superman will no longer come out of a telephone booth but a closet

And also out is kryptonite, Superman now swoons and loses power whenever he sees a photo of Russian President Putin.

This has been a Carey On News Break...

If the Cleveland Browns held their coaching search via presidential debate style

If the Cleveland Browns held their coaching search via presidential debate style

On the Democratic side
Bernie Sanders: Let me tell you the NFL is not the NFL - it is the Not Fair League. If I was hired to be the Browns coach you can bet I will demand one good player from each team. Now it may not make the Browns a winner but it will make every team lose a couple of games and things would be even and fair and I promise free hot dogs paid for by people who hate hot dogs.


Hillary Clinton: I can promise you just because my husband slept with an intern does not necessarily mean I will sleep with the cheerleaders. So they should be safe. Besides what does it matter, the Browns are losing games, does it matter who the players are. We need a strong coach and I am that woman.

On the Republican side:
Donald Trump: I demand to know one thing, where was Johnny Manziel? Where was he and where was his birth certificate, is he even old enough to drink? Let me tell you if I were the coach you can bet all hotel rooms and all of the players houses would have armed guards with walls around them making sure no one escapes in or out without my knowledge. This open door policy is over. And small skinny imported players, don’t even think about it, I want big brawny men, no Bruce Jenners. Jeb what are you smirking about? You’re still upset that Saudi Arabia refused the Browns to practice there, wasn’t that your brainstorm or your brothers who said Pittsburg Steelers were not a Cleveland rivalry but an ally. I want to make the Browns great again.

Jeb Bush Donald trump is not a serious coaching candidate. Donald trump is not a serious coaching candidate. Donald trump is not a serious coaching candidate. Donald trump is not a serious coaching candidate. NEW FOOTBALL ORDER. Did you know my brother was co-owner of the Texas Rangers?

Marco Rubio I am Latino and I feel I can bring more Latinos into the NFL as well as the Browns. Besides that I like Jeb and Jeb likes me. NEW FOOTBALL ORDER.

Ted Cruz Let me be clear just because I was born in Canada you can rest assured I will not try to lure the team to Canada and call them the Canadian Seals or Ontario Otters. I like the Browns and they should stay in Cleveland, they just need to read the play book more.

Rand Paul The Browns and the rest of the NFL need to go back to the original rules and down size. George Blanda played multiple positions; we don’t need so many players. The football was originally round. The stadiums are too extravagant; we need simple stadiums, wooden seats, cheap beer and cheap hot dogs. And we don’t need high priced college players. We can find cheap players off the street who are willing to play. And if they want to get lost in Vegas and get high let them.

Chris Christie The Browns need to fatten up. And just because some of you bring it up that I was seen smiling and hugging the Pittsburg Steelers coach doesn’t mean a thing. I will be loyal to Cleveland and you can be sure I would have shut down that bridge that Manziel escaped across.

Rick Santorum The Browns problem is this and I will do this - pray, they did not pray before games, they didn’t pray during games, now the fans they prayed a lot, I mean prayed a lol lot but not one player prayed, and I would get Tebow over here, he prays and he prays a lot. Lastly not one Hail Mary was used.

Ben Carson Now I am a brain surgeon so I think you need to look at the entire Browns organization and see if they have been concussed because they coach and play like it. Now I would do things differently because I am not a coach or an athlete. I would put brain scanners in the players helmets so I can see when they are about to do something stupid on the field, I would then send an electric jolt to make them play better.

John Kasich I am a homegrown boy. I get this. So what if I latched onto Obama’s healthcare plan, the way the Browns get beat up they need this coverage and so does our pass defense. We can do better.

Carly Fiorina I am the only one who can keep the Browns tradition alive. I failed as an advocacy for John McCain's presidential campaign, my bid for senate and as Hewlet-Packard's CEO. Things will be safe in Cleveland.


Wouldn’t it be nice to only worry about who let some of the air escape from our balls instead of them always going completely flat. But that’s life in Cleveland.

Gotta Go-Go!!
Carey

Carey's review of news from the past few weeks... or so.

Carey's review of news from the past few weeks... or so.

First sports talk:

Johnny Manziel is still in rehab, for drinking and learning how to play quarterback. Johnny insists he is not an alcoholic and added Hey if you were drafted by Cleveland you would quickly adopt drinking as your hobby also.

Cleveland Browns GM Ray Farmer has been suspended for texting. Coach Pettine was angry and said What was Farmer thinking? We were busy trying to find ways to lose and he is texting us.

Cleveland is so desperate for a quarterback they ran a Craiglist ad that read: Can you wear a football helmet? You could be the next Browns quarterback. No experience necessary.

Browns owner Hazlem has been toying with the idea of trying to swap the Browns for the Tennessee Titans. Unfortunately the Browns would still be in Cleveland just the owners would change. Too bad as the Browns are definitely more suited for the Country Music Capital rather than the Capital of Rock & Roll.

I could hear the songs now coming out of that deal.

The Browns left Cleveland now we got their misery.

Winning isn't everything especially when you never won.

I promise to marry you when the Browns win the Super Bowl.

I'd trade my hound dog n truck just for one quarterback.

I been losing my whole life now I got a football team to go with it.

The pressure is on Lebron James to make good on winning a championship. Rumor has it if he doesn't win he will be taking his talent to Myrtle Beach.

On to news....

Suddenly it doesn't matter where a person is born to become president. Obama was born in Kenya and presidential hopeful Ted Cruz was born in Canada. Thank goodness for states legalizing marijuana at least that is homegrown.

Those who knew Andreas Lubitz, the German co-pilot who flew flight 4u9525 into an Alpine ravine said he may have suffered from “burnout”. I don't think he had burnout - I think he just crashed.

Slick Willy made this boast I told you I was and still is the first and only black president. What true black president would sit around while EPA tries to regulate BBQ's? It wouldn't happen under my watch.

More on Slick Willy. North Korea is recruiting young women to be part of a revived so-called "pleasure squad" that entertains dictator Kim Jong Un. Bill Clinton said he is jealous, When I was president all I had was Monica and well um Hillary.

There has been backlash in Indiana over the religious freedom law. Homo's and lesbo's and other confused individuals say they won't shop or vacation there. Seems like the law is already very effective.

Japanese can sleep soundly as the government's top military official revealed that the country's Air Self Defense Force has never encountered an extraterrestrial unidentified flying object. Though Japans government does believe in and are constantly on the lookout for Godzilla.

Seattle restaurants had to raise prices considerably after minimum wage was raised to $15. Happy Meals will now have a joint included in them. The thinking is it will make people forget how much they paid for the overpriced bad food and give customers the munchies to buy more.

And that's a wrap.

Carey Masci

browns humor plus two

In case you missed it, it was announced the Browns are officially eliminated from the play offs.  Oh, I’m not talking about just this year but the next 5.

Football returned to Cleveland in 1999.  Now fans are waiting for the team to show up.

Browns coach Chudzinski is advising quarterback Weeden to spend time at UPS this Christmas season so he can see how they handle the rush and deliver on time.

What does Obamacare and the Browns have in common?  Both should be up and running by 2025.

I still think the Browns should sign Tebow.  Even if we don’t win with him at least we’d have a prayer.

A new episode of the show Survivor will have the cast dressed and ready to play as a quarterback for the Browns.  The one who survives two straight games wins. 

Well friends my prediction at the start of the season is looking pretty good right now.  I said at the beginning that the Browns would have more quarterbacks than wins.  So far 5 quarterbacks vs. 4 wins.

Now onto other things….

All this hubbub over people shopping on Thanksgiving.  I actually think it’s wonderful that people think so much of their family that they leave their family gathering so they can go buy family members a gift, of course at a far cheaper price. 

Fast & Furious star Paul Walker would still be alive today if he was a walker.

Carey Masci

Carey’s Humorous Truth or sort of

Friends,

I wear many hats and one of those is of Lake County Chairman for the Constitution Party.   I understand that as chairman I have to uphold a standard that promotes the Constitution Party in a favorable light and do my best to steer away from controversial behavior.  I also strongly believe in the freedom of speech and individuality and political correctness is a tool used solely by the liberal left to silence the conservative right or anyone that does not adhere to their thinking.  To that I give one big raspberry and bring to you... 

Carey’s Humorous Truth or sort of written by Carey not as Chairman Carey

So Governor Chris Christy came out for same sex marriage.  What’s so surprising?  I thought everyone knew he had a weakness for donuts and fruitcakes.

Cleveland Councilman Zack Reed was at Mayor Jackson’s victory party.  A party is the last place Drink and Drive Zack should be at.

Democrats and the Deal

FDR - New Deal

LBJ - Free Deals

Bill Clinton - No Big Deal

Obama - No Deal

Hillary - When’s My Deal

The Washington Redskins have come under fire because of political correctness.  Washington has decided to keep their name Redskins but instead of showing an Indian they will now have a redskin potato as their logo.

With the passing of SB193, a Republican drafted bill in Ohio, the GOP will no longer be known as the Grand Ole Party but the Grand Oppressive Party.

A scanner has been invented that will be used in airports making sure if a liquid is safe or a potential explosive.  Many airline passengers are demanding that the same scanner be used on airplane food to make sure it is safe and not a potential explosive.

What do teenagers and young adults have in common with the Obamacare website?  Both are hardly working.

Obama finally came to the mic to explain the disaster of the Obamacare website.  Very eloquently he said It’s Bush’s fault.

More on Obamacare

Obama made the announcement that the US has entered an agreement with eBay to start listing healthcare.  Obama said listing healthcare services on eBay is the American way, it is fair for everyone and it is transparent.  For instance if you should need brain surgery you can bid on it.  If you lose the bid, then it is obvious brain surgery to you was not that important.  But if you do have the highest bid and you pay on time, the doctor performing it will leave you good feedback which is great if you should ever need let’s say kidney transplant.  They will trust you and you will be treated.  Likewise if you received brain surgery you can then leave feedback on the doctor.  If it worked out you can say so, if you should die then you can leave feedback saying do not trust this doctor, I died.  This is the American way, fair for all and very transparent and let’s not forget, eBay is easier to use then my Obamacare website.

    Carey Masci

a few chuckles and one quote

I heard that America is actually 88 TRILLION in debt, 88 TRILLION! Now it makes sense why they want to mint a trillion dollar coin. It will be used in vending machines.


Fiat and Chrysler may make the fabled Jeep in China. With the expected move a name change will also take place. Jeep will soon be called Cheep.

China wants to make their own Mt. Rushmore honoring 5 Americans. Nixon for being the first president to go behind the Red Curtain, Bush Sr. who was the ambassador to China under Nixon, Carter who signed the first trade agreement with China, Clinton for giving China most favored nation trading status and Walmart.


Its early but I nominate this as the quote of the year:

To me its not about the money, its about finishing what I tried to start when I first got elected in 1980. Cleveland Councilman Ken Johnson.

The story is this..... Ken Johnson briefly resigned as councilman so he could qualify for retirement then was quickly reappointed by his cronies. Is it any wonder why Cleveland and America as a whole is in trouble? Besides that read the words of Ken once more. What he tried to start in 1980! So Ken is still trying to finish what he tried to start 32 years later? You can't finish what you never started.

Maybe with all this double-dip going on they should open a ice cream parlor inside of city hall, they already have all the nuts they need to sprinkle on top.

Added note: Johnson makes $74,000 per year as councilman plus his retirement.

Carey Masci

Carey's Headlines and More

Women allowed in to Augusta – Tiger told to keep his eye on the ball

Romney said no ones asked to see my birth certificate but they have asked to see Mitt's fathers

Lance Armstrong banned for life – Neil Armstrong lost his life

Lance Armstrong stripped for doping – girls strip for dope

Bush blamed for Katrina – Obama blamed for Isaac

Isaac invites himself to the convention – Paul still not allowed

Mitt flips while Obama flops

Isaac dampens Mitts coronation

Samsung copied Apple to the Core

Hey I got my hands on Romney's speech for the RNC. Here's the opening lines:


Hi Florida... I like Florida... Florida has hurricanes... I like hurricanes.
What did the leader of the Sikh Temple say when he saw the gunman?
HIDE AND GO SIKH!

Signs of the times. Could Punk Rock start the revolution? The shooter of the Sikh Temple massacre played in the far-right punk band "End Apathy". In Russia Pussy Riot rocked Putin and were jailed.
God save the queen we mean it, man. There is no future. No future.


I am the Tea Party – All others stand at the harbor and watch.
Carey Masci