Monday, May 04, 2009

The lighter side of Carey's jail experience

Hey Gang,
I thank all of you for the emails and calls. Though I didn't want to go to jail, I am glad I did. It strengthens my story and my inner spirit. I have taken quite a few of their blows and I still haven't caved in yet. Court is this coming Thursday. I now need to be somewhat quiet about certain details.
I always find in any circumstance if I go back to what I am good at it, it eases the situation and gives me victory. So I found humor through out most of the ordeal. No way was I going to give them the satisfaction of me being intimidated. They are no different then you or I. As hard as they tried to bark and puff up their chest, I cracked jokes. Come on guys, this is for a housing violation and you are treating me like I was a murderer. What ever.
Next posting I will be more serious. Will update you the best I can.
Thanks again FRIENDS!!!!!

The lighter side of jail

So there I was in hand cuffs trying to buy time to lock up the beauty shop I was buffing and see if I could worm my way out of this, telling the cop My Dad's 82 this is a lot for him to put back everything and the drive home at night alone is not good. The cop asks Dad will you be alright can you drive home? Sure I will be fine, you guys can go ahead. Gee thanks Dad.

I get patted down, legs spread you know the routine, if not just watch Cops. After the cop runs his hands up and down my leg he asks do you mind if I look in your car? Gee now you get polite, why didn't you ask me before you started to feel my legs and look in my pockets. I think thats where you should ask do you mind or at least ask after feeling my legs what are you doing after this?

The pat down. Hey what are you trying to do, see if I am ripe, well I'm not a fruit!
Think about that one for a second.

Whats in your pocket
Empty your pockets and list your items. One screw - one nut - 35 cents and 2 bungy cords. Bungy cords? Yeah thats my belt.

Need to use the toilet? Isn't there toilets in the cell? Nope not in the holding cells. Can I use it if I need to later on? Only for emergencies.
Well let me tell you.... the cell smelled so bad of pee. Now I know why they call them the holding cells, some I guess just can't hold it.

And then they serve you breakfast that makes you want to use the toilet. Orange juice, fruit not exactly food that binds. I think its all part of the punishment.

When I was asked to empty out my cell and carry my sheet the cop jumped back when I got close to him while putting it in the dirty sheet bin. Maybe he thought I was one of those criminal bed wetters.

The size of the food was so cute. Kind of like airplane food, doll house size. Even the banana, miniature. Taste - just like airplane food. I didn't see any barf bag that falls from the ceiling if needed though.

The food was just a little above bad. The bacon was OK, scrambled eggs were... ehh, the danish was like an over sweetened hockey puck. But the cereal and milk was good. Kellogs corn flakes, milk from a cow, the lil carton was so cute. The hospitality was great also, they served me breakfast in bed, in fact the guy told me, don't get up and slid it to me.

Before they took me to my cell they asked me all kinds of questions. I just said one yeah and no to everything else. The yes was do you know what date and time it is? A couple of minutes latter the cop asked me to sign and date the papers. I said OK but whats the date?

Must of the questions were about if I was on any kind of special diet. I wish I would of known about the breakfast they were going to serve. I would of told them, I am allergic to danishs, need a high protein diet - at least 4 strips of bacon, two bowls of cereal a necessity and hot chocolate to digest everything.

The best thing about the breakfast was it was served in a styrofoam container, it made a nice pillow.

As I am eating this far from gourmet breakfast I started thinking of ways to blow my self out of the joint. What would James Bond do? Ah huh! Thats it. If I heat the styrofoam container by bending it back and forth, mix it with the bacon grease coupled with the man made eggs and all of the chemicals in them, I could make an explosive. I could use the danish to stick it to the door. But a match, I needed a match to light the thing. And then it came to me, my socks, they're a match.

Before being put in the cell they made me remove my shoes. I thought thats so comforting, just like home, I always take off my shoes before entering.

Cities are always complaining they are short of cash. I know one way Westlake can save some money, dim those lights. My cell had to be no bigger than 6 by 8 if that and they had enough lights to light a pavilion. It was so bright when I closed my eyes to pass time I counted the veins in my eyelids.

What is that? In the corner of my cell next to the maitres was this small hairy glob. I looked at. OK its not a bug. Laid down. Got up, looked at the glob. OK it didn't move yet, maybe just a piece of scalp. Fell asleep. Woke up. Looked at the glob again. HEY just wanted to make sure it was still there.

The new shift before transferring me. Them returning my stuff. One screw - one nut - 35 cents - 2 BUNGY CORDS?
Oh an add one banana, I want to take my banana with me. Its up to them if they will let you have it. I hope they do I want to bring home a souvenir.

Euclid is so goofy, they could of picked me up anytime they wanted to. I have been in Euclid, live in the next city over, instead they wait till I get my plates run by a cop way out in Westlake, about 30 miles away. I had to wait awhile before they found someone to transfer me. They were short police. No kidding, but they did hire more house inspectors which is how I got in this mess in the first place.

At the Euclid jail.
Sexual preference, do you like male, female, Bi, not sure. What about the other? Huh? Neither.
I wanted to tell him, umm I am into animals but then I thought he may put me in the cage with the K9's and they might not be good. Food may of been an improvement though.

I hope you laughed BUT I truly hope you understand how serious this is. All of us as American citizens and taxpayers should be beyond irate that money was wasted, valuable time was taken away from police, and an average everyday person as yourself was taken to jail for something very frivolous. All because I am standing up for my right to privacy and to run my house as I see fit. Wake up people, it could be you next and you might not find it funny!


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